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First of all, there may be absolutely
nothing wrong. There are a variety of possibilities for why
you’re not having an orgasm. One is that you may not be as
comfortable as you think: There is a big difference between
comfort when fully clothed and comfort while naked and
intimate, and orgasm requires a certain amount of physical and
mental surrender with which you might not be comfortable. It
could be that to reach your comfort level--or a sufficient
arousal level for you--you and your partner need to extend
your foreplay.
You might feel more comfortable with your
partner if you explore and get to know your body through
masturbation. If you can already reach orgasm alone but not
with your partner, you may just not be getting sufficient
clitoral stimulation--you and your partner may want to explore
different ways to stimulate your clitoris.
If you try masturbating and clitoral
stimulation and still don’t reach orgasm, you might check
the medications you’ve been taking (Prozac, among others,
has been known to inhibit orgasm), make sure you’re
well-rested, and explore your past sexual experiences and note
if you’ve internalized any negative feelings about sex or
orgasm. Another possibility might be that you are expecting
the orgasm that your friends have told you about or that you
have read about in books. In actuality, women experience a
range of orgasms, from tranquil to intense. You should
remember that there is no right pattern of sexual response and
that it is what feels good and makes you feel more connected
to your partner that counts.
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